I realized at some point this week, when someone asked about the twins, that I haven't been thinking about them or our situation nearly as much lately. I've been keeping myself occupied and more heavily involved with Hails and Zachy, and just haven't been in that same place of desperation that I was living in last month. While this is good for my daily contentment and peace of mind, I worry that I may have already given up in my mind. I don't think about what it will be like when they get here anymore, I don't picture tucking them in, I don't imagine them calling me Mama or the first time I hold them... It's as though I've already decided it's not going to happen, in an attempt to protect myself from getting my hopes us any further.
And then I remembered that a while back I saw a bumper sticker that simply said "thoughts become things." To me this is similar to what Gandhi was saying when he taught:
Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.So for tonight, I will expect miracles. I will choose to believe that tomorrow has the potential to be the day that my boys, my Elijah and Isaiah, will be one day closer to coming home to me. I will envision the judge reviewing our case and deciding in our favor. I will imagine the phone call or email I will receive in the morning from their caseworker, with great news! I am going to test this theory and come at tomorrow from a place of expectation and joy, knowing that good things are on the way for us! After all, tomorrow will be just as wonderful as we expect it to be.
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