With all of Isaiah’s special needs, we felt sure we’d get mixed feelings from our friends and family about our decision to move forward with the adoption, and we did. While everyone seemed excited for our opportunity to grow our family, they were certainly concerned about how taking on a special needs child would affect our marriage, our finances and our current family dynamic. We too were scared. We talked a lot about worst case scenarios and what could go wrong and what we would need to sacrifice and how our friends and family would feel about our decision. At the core of it all though, we felt a peace about it all. Somehow, we felt ready to commit to these little boys, who we knew so little about, who we’d never met nor even seen a picture of. In that respect, it’s very much like being pregnant. We felt ready to defend them, advocate for them, protect them and love them unconditionally…if only the powers that be would choose us.
Within a few days, the committee meeting was scheduled. Our fate would be determined on December 17th. We patiently waited for the day to come. We tried hard not to get our hopes up, just in case it didn’t go in our favor. We were determined that if this was right, God would move the committee to choose us. I honestly just tried to busy myself with thinking of anything else.
The day came…it was the last day of school for Hailey and Zach before Christmas break. I volunteered to be in their classes that day so I’d have a distraction. While our caseworker represented us at a meeting downtown, I helped 2nd graders with a wrapping paper contest and ate reindeer cupcakes. Josh got off work that morning and waited at home by his phone. Just as the party died down, my phone rang. I stepped into the hallway and answered hopefully. Then I heard the words I’d longed to hear for almost a year… “We were matched!”
As a thousand questions ran through my mind, calmness filled my soul. This is real. They chose us. God chose us. I have four kids now. I’m a Mommy again. I got my boys… Within an hour we were sent pictures of them. Beautiful. Angelic. Precious. Amazing. My little Isaiah has the most amazing smile you’ve ever seen, with twinkly little eyes that smile too. And Elijah, what a heartbreaker, he has such handsome brown eyes. He will be a charmer, for sure.
The next step was to attend a full disclosure meeting. This would be a chance for us to meet the boys’ doctors, caseworker and foster mom. This would be our chance to receive all information on them since they entered care, learn more about Isaiah’s special needs, and ask any questions we might have and to set us a transition plan. Normally the meeting would have been within a few days, but because of the holidays, it was scheduled for December 29th.
We immediately began scouring yard sales and craigslist for baby items. We wanted to be as prepared as possible! At this point, it was like we had just found out we were in our last trimester of pregnancy…and with twins! It was a very exciting time. We lovingly chose their names. Elijah Matthew, because it means “Gift from God,” and Isaiah Andrew, because of the Bible verse Isaiah 40:31. We decided we’d give them a Toy Story themed room, and set out to find things to adorn it with. We filled the days with painting and building cribs and washing baby clothes and learning as much as CP as we could. It was now the night before the meeting, and we couldn’t sleep. I had just so many questions and scenarios swirling through my head. I didn’t know how to sleep, I was too anxious. I moved out to the couch in the wee hours of the morning, hoping a change of scenery would help. It didn’t, it only gave me a sore shoulder and an excuse to drink extra coffee. I had no idea what to wear. I wanted to make a really good impression in person. What does a “good mother” look like anyways?
It was a very unseasonably rainy day when we left the house. I love the rain, and took it as a good sign. We dropped the kids off with family and set off to find the address. We got there too early (over achievers) and waited in the car. I told Josh that I had a bad feeling, but it was probably just nerves. We found the suite and waited for our appointment. Soon after the boys’ caseworker greeted us and led us to a conference room. We waited there, alone, for what seemed like an eternity, but was probably only five minutes. Once our caseworker arrived, the meeting began. I was immediately very aware that it was just us and the caseworkers; no doctors, no therapists, no foster mom.
The boys’ caseworker explained that their foster mom would not be joining us, and that she was very upset about the boys being adopted. She wanted to adopt them herself, and was not approved (for personal reasons, not concerning the boys’ safety). We were told that she was not returning phone calls to CPS and that she had hired an attorney to fight the adoption. We were told that there was a chance the boys would not become a part of our family. I was shocked. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. We were told that with the holidays, it could be a few days before a judge reviewed the case and made a decision on how to proceed. If the judge decided to remove the boys from her care, we would have the option of them coming straight into our home or into a medically fragile foster home, from where we could transition them into our home. Our initial thought was that of course, we wanted them to just come straight to us, so they wouldn’t have the trauma of moving twice. However, since we do not have training on Isaiah’s special needs yet, nor have they even met us yet, we decided that it would be in everyone’s best interest if we transition from a foster home instead.
That was December 29th, and today is January 10th. We’re still waiting. We’ve called and emailed a few times, but not much progress has been made yet. No medical records yet. No word from a judge and no court date yet. All we can do is wait. It’s absolute torture. It’s frustrating as hell. But, what choice do we have? We can be angry or sad or bitter, but it won’t change the outcome or move things along any faster. So, for now…we will keep hope in our hearts, we’ll pray for what their foster mom is going through on her end, continue loving on the kiddos we have already been blessed with, keep our eyes out for good deals on baby stuff and try not to go crazy while we wait for the metaphorical ultrasound to come back with or without a heartbeat.
I can honestly say that if foster mom is able to care for them and love them and provide for their every need, they should stay with her. Of course I want them for myself, but more than that, I want what is best for them, and because they are already bonded to her and are doing well in her home, they should stay, if they can and I would gladly concede. If they cannot stay with her though, I will gladly give them every day I have left on this earth. I want to paint the canvas of their lives with laughter and love and hope and snuggles and birthday parties and tickle fights and ice cream and joy that overflows through their words and smiles and becomes a legacy of love that is passed down to the next generation. These boys are special. They will change this world. Even if I am not the one who gets the privilege of raising them, they have already changed mine.
No comments:
Post a Comment