We've officially been home for 24 hrs!! It has been a very heartwarming and busy time!
We met the boys' caseworker halfway yesterday while Hails and Zach were at school. We were so happy to see them again and anxious to get them home. When she opened the car door and we saw their little faces peering back at us, it was hard not to cry. The joy that welled up inside me was overwhelming. They looked a little scared, a little tired and like their noses had been running. We held them and talked to them and kissed them. Elijah was very happy that Mama was ready with goldfish crackers and apple juice!
The caseworker and I talked about how the pick up and the ride over went. She said foster mom was brave, but broken over the situation. We loaded up the many bags of toys, clothes and medical supplies into our van and set out to take our new babies and all of their worldly possessions home. The ride went very smoothly; the boys napped and Josh and I talked excitedly.
The afternoon was spent unpacking, organizing, snuggling and snacking. Foster mom sent so many nice outfits for them, some still had tags on them! She sent all of their favorite toys, including a special teddy bear that she had programmed to say 'Elijah'. We were really touched by that. It told us that not only did she remember what his new name would be, she accepted it, and was trying to help us teach it to him.
Bonding is going really really well. Isaiah seemed to not be feeling well, so after dinner, I took him to my room to snuggle him and sing to him. He fell asleep in my arms. I forgot how amazing that feels. He is such a happy baby. He is always smiling or laughing or cooing. Elijah is also very happy, and very spunky! His little personality is really coming through. At one point he was looking for me and called "Mama, Mama!" My heart melted!! And at bedtime, when Josh was saying goodnight, Eli said "Dada, Dada!" Sigh... Bedtime went smoothly, only a few tears and they were out.
We felt that it was important to have some quality time with Hailey and Zach after the boys went to bed. We rented a movie and got some ice cream, and cuddled up for the night. It was good for the soul.
Foster mom text me before I went to bed to make sure the boys were feeling better and to see if we found everything we needed. I assured her they were doing great and thanked her for everything. I really am sorry for what she's going through, but I'm so grateful for everything she's done for us and for them.
The two kiddos that I expected to get up early slept in until 7:30am this morning and my late sleepers woke up at 6:00am anxious to spend more time with their new little brothers. We were greeted with smiles and cuddles! We got everyone changed, medicated, situated and fed by 8:30. We spent the morning playing, dancing and establishing boundaries and a routine.
We laid the boys down for their nap and decided to work together to straighten up the house and work on a little laundry. So now we're relaxing. My my my, I have taken this for granted in the past! I have a feeling I'm going to really enjoy nap time everyday :)
It's amazing how natural this all feels, it's as though I've always known them. It's only been one day and already I can't imagine our lives without them in it... So what has changed in the last 24 hrs? Well, my house is filled with the sounds of musical toys and giggles, there is a new set of fingerprints a little lower on my walls, everything is being cut into bite sized pieces and my fridge is proudly displaying a photo of another family never to be forgotten. I'm feeling a strange combination of elation, exhaustion, joy and finally...peace. <3
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Cheerios, giggles and guilt...
Has it already been a week? Time is flying by so fast...
Our McDonald's play date on Sunday went wonderfully. We had a blast hanging out with the boys and getting to know each other better. Afterwords, we spent a few hours just hanging out with foster mom and all of the kids (our 2, her 2, and our shared 2). Josh put together their new playhouse (he's so sweet) and she and I went over my obnoxiously long list of questions. As our visit concluded, we hugged and said goodbye. We confirmed our plans to pick up the boys the next day for our overnight visit.
We arrived right at 11:00am and eagerly rang the bell. The door opened and through the screen we could hear little baby hellos and cooing. We hugged and hello'ed like old friends, and made ourselves at home on the floor with the kids. Foster mom had everything all ready for us; clothes, formula, meds, instructions. We went over the boys' feeding, sleeping and medicine schedule one more time. We headed out to try and match up nap time with the hour and half long car ride back to our house. Foster mom's 8 year old son admitted that he was scared he'd never see his little brothers again. Josh promised him that he would. Foster mom started to tear up, so we took that as our cue to leave. The ride home was a blast. We all danced and giggled the whole way home! I sat in the middle, as official toy retriever and goldfish administrator. No one napped, not even close.
Josh held Isaiah, I held Elijah, and Hailey and Zach led us into the house, for the first time, we were all home, together. It felt so good. We changed diapers and got cleaned up. The dogs came in to inspect the newbies and thoroughly sniffed and licked them until they were sure we were safe. The boys giggled and pet the pups, it was really cute. We made Elijah's favorite for dinner - macaroni and cheese with hot dogs in it! He ate 2 helpings and drank some milk. After baths and fresh jammies, we snuggled on the couch and played with toys and read books. At 7:30, we headed to their room for bed. Foster mom had warned us that they would cry for just a few minutes but they would go to sleep if left alone, and sleep 12 hours. I wondered if it was some kind of trick....it sounded too good to be true. In true Trina fashion, I tried everything I could think of to calm them for a good half hour, before I conceded to the hallway to sit outside their door and try not to cry, myself. After about ten minutes, like magic...it was silent!! Hailey and Zach anxiously guarded the baby monitor and alerted us to every sound they heard, which turned out to be Isaiah's feeding machine every time.
Like clockwork, I woke every couple of hours to stare at the monitor. Once I was sure they were asleep, I drifted back off. I woke up at 6:00am to Hailey standing over me, alerting me that Isaiah's feeding machine was beeping. I told her I knew, but that it just meant it was done. She was relieved and went back to bed. My favorite part of the whole day was going into their room this morning to see their sleepy, smiley faces looking back at me! :) It was absolutely priceless.
The morning was filled with cheerios, bananas, more dancing, giggles and playing. We dropped Hailey and Zach off, and headed on out to the other side of town to drop our babies back off. The drive went smoothly, and as Murphy's Law would have it, both of them fell asleep about a mile from their foster home.
Foster mom greeted us, and the boys seemed happy to see her again. Foster mom gave us a beautiful potted orchid, as a gift from her family. We thanked her and hugged her, touched by her kind gesture. We talked about how the night went for each of us,; how noisy my house was this morning and how quiet hers was. Looking back on it, this was a good trial run for all us. We had a heart to heart about how we were all feeling. We admitted that we felt guilty, knowing that in order for us to have this joy, she had to have this pain. She admitted that while she is hurting, she knows it's not our fault and doesn't blame us. We comforted each other and agreed that we all just want what's best for Elijah and Isaiah. We asked if we could have a copy of the family picture she had proudly displayed in her living room. We want to put it in the boys' room to help them remember her and the wonderful care she has given them over the past year. I told her that I dodn't want to go too long without getting together for a visit, and she said she didn't want to interfere with our bonding process with the boys. We decided that phone calls, emails and picture would be a good start and we'd work up to play dates in the near future. We left with smiles on our faces, but inside I felt awful.
Josh and I verbally vomited the whole way home, analyzing the situation from every angle. We both still feel a sense of guilt for the pain that foster mom is in, and after only one day of playing house with the boys, we miss them so much. I cried and felt sick to my stomach, like an executioner, just doing his job, but still the one to pull the trigger and end someone's life. I know that this feeling will pass with time, and we will all heal and grow. God will not lead us to it, without guiding us through it.
So for now, I will put my house back together and wash tiny jammies, knowing that it will only be a few short days until it will all be undone, and I couldn't be more excited for that. <3
Our McDonald's play date on Sunday went wonderfully. We had a blast hanging out with the boys and getting to know each other better. Afterwords, we spent a few hours just hanging out with foster mom and all of the kids (our 2, her 2, and our shared 2). Josh put together their new playhouse (he's so sweet) and she and I went over my obnoxiously long list of questions. As our visit concluded, we hugged and said goodbye. We confirmed our plans to pick up the boys the next day for our overnight visit.
We arrived right at 11:00am and eagerly rang the bell. The door opened and through the screen we could hear little baby hellos and cooing. We hugged and hello'ed like old friends, and made ourselves at home on the floor with the kids. Foster mom had everything all ready for us; clothes, formula, meds, instructions. We went over the boys' feeding, sleeping and medicine schedule one more time. We headed out to try and match up nap time with the hour and half long car ride back to our house. Foster mom's 8 year old son admitted that he was scared he'd never see his little brothers again. Josh promised him that he would. Foster mom started to tear up, so we took that as our cue to leave. The ride home was a blast. We all danced and giggled the whole way home! I sat in the middle, as official toy retriever and goldfish administrator. No one napped, not even close.
Josh held Isaiah, I held Elijah, and Hailey and Zach led us into the house, for the first time, we were all home, together. It felt so good. We changed diapers and got cleaned up. The dogs came in to inspect the newbies and thoroughly sniffed and licked them until they were sure we were safe. The boys giggled and pet the pups, it was really cute. We made Elijah's favorite for dinner - macaroni and cheese with hot dogs in it! He ate 2 helpings and drank some milk. After baths and fresh jammies, we snuggled on the couch and played with toys and read books. At 7:30, we headed to their room for bed. Foster mom had warned us that they would cry for just a few minutes but they would go to sleep if left alone, and sleep 12 hours. I wondered if it was some kind of trick....it sounded too good to be true. In true Trina fashion, I tried everything I could think of to calm them for a good half hour, before I conceded to the hallway to sit outside their door and try not to cry, myself. After about ten minutes, like magic...it was silent!! Hailey and Zach anxiously guarded the baby monitor and alerted us to every sound they heard, which turned out to be Isaiah's feeding machine every time.
Like clockwork, I woke every couple of hours to stare at the monitor. Once I was sure they were asleep, I drifted back off. I woke up at 6:00am to Hailey standing over me, alerting me that Isaiah's feeding machine was beeping. I told her I knew, but that it just meant it was done. She was relieved and went back to bed. My favorite part of the whole day was going into their room this morning to see their sleepy, smiley faces looking back at me! :) It was absolutely priceless.
The morning was filled with cheerios, bananas, more dancing, giggles and playing. We dropped Hailey and Zach off, and headed on out to the other side of town to drop our babies back off. The drive went smoothly, and as Murphy's Law would have it, both of them fell asleep about a mile from their foster home.
Foster mom greeted us, and the boys seemed happy to see her again. Foster mom gave us a beautiful potted orchid, as a gift from her family. We thanked her and hugged her, touched by her kind gesture. We talked about how the night went for each of us,; how noisy my house was this morning and how quiet hers was. Looking back on it, this was a good trial run for all us. We had a heart to heart about how we were all feeling. We admitted that we felt guilty, knowing that in order for us to have this joy, she had to have this pain. She admitted that while she is hurting, she knows it's not our fault and doesn't blame us. We comforted each other and agreed that we all just want what's best for Elijah and Isaiah. We asked if we could have a copy of the family picture she had proudly displayed in her living room. We want to put it in the boys' room to help them remember her and the wonderful care she has given them over the past year. I told her that I dodn't want to go too long without getting together for a visit, and she said she didn't want to interfere with our bonding process with the boys. We decided that phone calls, emails and picture would be a good start and we'd work up to play dates in the near future. We left with smiles on our faces, but inside I felt awful.
Josh and I verbally vomited the whole way home, analyzing the situation from every angle. We both still feel a sense of guilt for the pain that foster mom is in, and after only one day of playing house with the boys, we miss them so much. I cried and felt sick to my stomach, like an executioner, just doing his job, but still the one to pull the trigger and end someone's life. I know that this feeling will pass with time, and we will all heal and grow. God will not lead us to it, without guiding us through it.
So for now, I will put my house back together and wash tiny jammies, knowing that it will only be a few short days until it will all be undone, and I couldn't be more excited for that. <3
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Love at First Sight...
Today is a day I will never forget. It has been etched into my heart, where I will protect it and cherish it, forever...
The GPS said 1 hour 29 minutes as we set out to meet our babies. We were prepared for the ride...DS's, Mad Libs, snacks, waters, camera. The drive went by pretty fast, only one potty break and a trip to the store for flowers. We pulled up to the house and found our caseworker already waiting for us. Instantly, we felt a little better, just knowing she was there for us.
We took a deep breath and rang the bell. Foster mom answered right away and greeted us in. After brief introductions, we met Isaiah. He was sitting up so good in his Bumbo seat, just checking us all out. Foster mom placed him in my lap, and we just stared into each other's eyes. His eyes are so beautiful and expressive. He smiled at me and giggled when my hair tickled his face. He and Hailey had fun playing toss and retrieve with the stuffed animal we brought him. Josh and I played 'pass the baby' all hour and he just smiled and babbled. It was amazing.
Elijah hid behind his foster dad for the first half hour, leery of the new strangers. Zach was able to break through by getting down on the floor and playing with him. They played there for most of the visit, throwing balls and running to get them. Josh and I each tried to hold Elijah, but he whined and wanted down right away. As he watched us talk to his foster parents and play with his brother, he seemed to get more comfortable. He started offering toys to Josh to play with and posing for pictures. He was absolutely adorable!
The hour went by all too fast. We all felt sad when it was time to go, Hailey even teared up a little. We agreed that one more visit before our overnight would be good for Elijah. So we are meeting for a lunch date next Sunday, and can't wait!!! Then we'll pick them up again on Monday for our overnight visit. The kids don't have school that day, so they are really excited!
Josh decided to try one last time, and scooped up Elijah for a hug. This time, Elijah just smiled and babbled at him, posing for pictures. I reached out to see if he'd come to me, and he did. It felt so good to hold him. I told him goodbye and gave him a kiss, but he started to cry and reach for me when I tried to set him down. I picked him back up and he stopped. We played this game a few more times, before foster dad had to just take him inside.
Our visit was ending, so foster mom and I exchanged phone numbers and email addresses. I asked if I could give her a hug. She said sure, so we leaned in to hug and accidentally almost kissed. We both laughed and it really eased the tension. She asked if we could stay in touch. I assured her that we would, and said I'd love for her to be a part of our extended family too. I really hope we can, and believe we will.
The boys could not have been sweeter. They are both so special and amazing in their own unique ways. They touched us so deeply. Everything we've been through up until now, has been worth the wait. We can't stop smiling and going over and over the details of the day.
What a perfect day. I couldn't not have asked for more. I've never felt more blessed.
The GPS said 1 hour 29 minutes as we set out to meet our babies. We were prepared for the ride...DS's, Mad Libs, snacks, waters, camera. The drive went by pretty fast, only one potty break and a trip to the store for flowers. We pulled up to the house and found our caseworker already waiting for us. Instantly, we felt a little better, just knowing she was there for us.
We took a deep breath and rang the bell. Foster mom answered right away and greeted us in. After brief introductions, we met Isaiah. He was sitting up so good in his Bumbo seat, just checking us all out. Foster mom placed him in my lap, and we just stared into each other's eyes. His eyes are so beautiful and expressive. He smiled at me and giggled when my hair tickled his face. He and Hailey had fun playing toss and retrieve with the stuffed animal we brought him. Josh and I played 'pass the baby' all hour and he just smiled and babbled. It was amazing.
Elijah hid behind his foster dad for the first half hour, leery of the new strangers. Zach was able to break through by getting down on the floor and playing with him. They played there for most of the visit, throwing balls and running to get them. Josh and I each tried to hold Elijah, but he whined and wanted down right away. As he watched us talk to his foster parents and play with his brother, he seemed to get more comfortable. He started offering toys to Josh to play with and posing for pictures. He was absolutely adorable!
The hour went by all too fast. We all felt sad when it was time to go, Hailey even teared up a little. We agreed that one more visit before our overnight would be good for Elijah. So we are meeting for a lunch date next Sunday, and can't wait!!! Then we'll pick them up again on Monday for our overnight visit. The kids don't have school that day, so they are really excited!
Josh decided to try one last time, and scooped up Elijah for a hug. This time, Elijah just smiled and babbled at him, posing for pictures. I reached out to see if he'd come to me, and he did. It felt so good to hold him. I told him goodbye and gave him a kiss, but he started to cry and reach for me when I tried to set him down. I picked him back up and he stopped. We played this game a few more times, before foster dad had to just take him inside.
Our visit was ending, so foster mom and I exchanged phone numbers and email addresses. I asked if I could give her a hug. She said sure, so we leaned in to hug and accidentally almost kissed. We both laughed and it really eased the tension. She asked if we could stay in touch. I assured her that we would, and said I'd love for her to be a part of our extended family too. I really hope we can, and believe we will.
The boys could not have been sweeter. They are both so special and amazing in their own unique ways. They touched us so deeply. Everything we've been through up until now, has been worth the wait. We can't stop smiling and going over and over the details of the day.
What a perfect day. I couldn't not have asked for more. I've never felt more blessed.
Friday, February 11, 2011
A 3 donut 2 candybar kind of day...
Today has been a nail biting, self doubting, stress eating, deep sighing, happy tear crying, unforgettable kind of day!
The hearing was today at 1:30. We busied ourselves with helping our neighbor paint and re-decorate, so we wouldn't be staring at the phone all day. I was doing really good until about 1:15, then I started feeling really anxious. That's when I ate the first candy bar.
About 3:00, we got a call from the boys' caseworker. She said the hearing well really well and that the judge decided the boys would be moving in with us! Foster mom was given the option to have the boys moved out immediately or to cooperate with us through a transition phase. Of course, she chose option B. At first, I was honestly mad. I was disappointed that the boys wouldn't be coming right away, and mad that foster mom was even getting options at this point. I was feeling like it was all her fault this was taking so long, and now we're making accommodations for her?? And who knows if she'll even comply! I laid in Josh's arms and cried some angry tears. Texts flooded in congratulating us, but all I felt was sad. I didn't want to feel sad. I didn't expect that I would feel sad.
Now, after hours have passed and I've had time to reflect, I see how silly I was being. This is our story. It's not perfect, but it's ours. In the end, no matter how we get there, I'm going to have my boys! My family will be complete! This transition will make it easier for them to let go of their past, and bond with us over time. It is best for them. Also, I feel very strongly now that God has been testing me all along. This whole process has been a test of faith. I can see the finish line just up ahead, but there is one more obstacle. I must be compassionate towards foster mom. I believe God wants me to be bring her flowers, give her a big hug, and thank her with all my heart for the love and care she has provided to my sons. I believe that in time we can be great friends, and that she can continue to be a huge part of the boys' lives. This hasn't been easy on any of us, but it is a positive thing. It's my job as the Mama to make sure everyone in this situation feels loved, accepted, special, wanted....even foster mom.
Our first visit is Tuesday. It will be at foster mom's house, since that is where the boys are most comfortable. We will then pick them up the next Sunday for an overnight visit and then they will move in on February 25th. I can't wait to look into their eyes for the very first time, to smell them, to hold them... It's hard to believe that in two weeks, we'll all be here, sleeping under the same roof...as a forever family <3
The hearing was today at 1:30. We busied ourselves with helping our neighbor paint and re-decorate, so we wouldn't be staring at the phone all day. I was doing really good until about 1:15, then I started feeling really anxious. That's when I ate the first candy bar.
About 3:00, we got a call from the boys' caseworker. She said the hearing well really well and that the judge decided the boys would be moving in with us! Foster mom was given the option to have the boys moved out immediately or to cooperate with us through a transition phase. Of course, she chose option B. At first, I was honestly mad. I was disappointed that the boys wouldn't be coming right away, and mad that foster mom was even getting options at this point. I was feeling like it was all her fault this was taking so long, and now we're making accommodations for her?? And who knows if she'll even comply! I laid in Josh's arms and cried some angry tears. Texts flooded in congratulating us, but all I felt was sad. I didn't want to feel sad. I didn't expect that I would feel sad.
Now, after hours have passed and I've had time to reflect, I see how silly I was being. This is our story. It's not perfect, but it's ours. In the end, no matter how we get there, I'm going to have my boys! My family will be complete! This transition will make it easier for them to let go of their past, and bond with us over time. It is best for them. Also, I feel very strongly now that God has been testing me all along. This whole process has been a test of faith. I can see the finish line just up ahead, but there is one more obstacle. I must be compassionate towards foster mom. I believe God wants me to be bring her flowers, give her a big hug, and thank her with all my heart for the love and care she has provided to my sons. I believe that in time we can be great friends, and that she can continue to be a huge part of the boys' lives. This hasn't been easy on any of us, but it is a positive thing. It's my job as the Mama to make sure everyone in this situation feels loved, accepted, special, wanted....even foster mom.
Our first visit is Tuesday. It will be at foster mom's house, since that is where the boys are most comfortable. We will then pick them up the next Sunday for an overnight visit and then they will move in on February 25th. I can't wait to look into their eyes for the very first time, to smell them, to hold them... It's hard to believe that in two weeks, we'll all be here, sleeping under the same roof...as a forever family <3
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Build It And They Will Come....Right?
What a week so far!!!!
Hailey's appointment went, surprisingly, really well. I was nervous when we first walked into the building. We sat in the waiting room, waiting for our turn. I noticed that a few of the kids looked really zoned out, a few were super hyper, ripping and tearing through the waiting room toys. I noticed that all of the parents looked the same; worried.
They called us back and did a few quick physical assessments. We were led to an office, with a desk, chairs and a some toys. The doctor asked Hailey a lot of questions, and she did very well answering them, even though I could tell she was nervous at times. (She has a cute little nervous chuckle she does, and she starts crossing and uncrossing her legs.) Then it was our turn. Hailey built beautiful towers of wooden blocks while we answered question after question about her personality, her quirks and her anxieties.
After about an hour of talking, the doctor told us that while Hails does display some symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome, there were not enough at play for there to be a concern. She did diagnose Hailey with ADHD and anxiety disorder, with a mild case of OCD. At first I was very surprised. I was under the impression that kids with ADHD were hyperactive and always running and climbing, but she explained that just as our bodies can be hyperactive, so can our minds. Hailey's mind is constantly on the go, making it very hard for her to concentrate or retain info. On top of it, her anxiety and obsessive thought patterns present another challenge in being able to focus. We came up with a care plan that involves teaching Hails relaxation techniques, attending cognitive behavioral therapy, a small does of anti-anxiety meds and putting together an accommodating plan with the school, to make it easier on her emotionally.
I left the appointment feeling so very proud of my girl. All this time, she's been battling these feelings and yet still maintains meaningful friendships, awesome grades and one of the bubbliest personalities of anyone I know. I have a new level of appreciation for her, and now that I understand what's going on in her big beautiful brain, I can help. I too was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder at her age. It was very confusing and scary for me, and I'm glad I will be able to relate to her. We'll do this together!
Zach survived his first solo slumber party with flying colors! (I snuggled his pillow pet and cried, but still!)
About the boys... So, we've been waiting all week to hear what the AG's office would recommend for the boys. Would they be coming to live with us one day this week? Would foster mom try and interfere again? We found out yesterday that foster mom was kind enough to file yet another motion on Monday, in an attempt to once again stall the adoption process. Today we learned that there will be a hearing next Friday, the 11th, to determine what will happen. It is likely the boys will be removed from her care and placed with us soon. While I do feel for her, my patience is running thin. It didn't have to be this way at all. I would have gladly shared our lives with her and welcomed her into our family. Who knows what will happen in the future though, God may move all of our hearts to that one day.
For now, I am ready. We are ready. Our home is clean, baby proofed, stocked up and ready to go. Build it and they will come, right? :)
Hailey's appointment went, surprisingly, really well. I was nervous when we first walked into the building. We sat in the waiting room, waiting for our turn. I noticed that a few of the kids looked really zoned out, a few were super hyper, ripping and tearing through the waiting room toys. I noticed that all of the parents looked the same; worried.
They called us back and did a few quick physical assessments. We were led to an office, with a desk, chairs and a some toys. The doctor asked Hailey a lot of questions, and she did very well answering them, even though I could tell she was nervous at times. (She has a cute little nervous chuckle she does, and she starts crossing and uncrossing her legs.) Then it was our turn. Hailey built beautiful towers of wooden blocks while we answered question after question about her personality, her quirks and her anxieties.
After about an hour of talking, the doctor told us that while Hails does display some symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome, there were not enough at play for there to be a concern. She did diagnose Hailey with ADHD and anxiety disorder, with a mild case of OCD. At first I was very surprised. I was under the impression that kids with ADHD were hyperactive and always running and climbing, but she explained that just as our bodies can be hyperactive, so can our minds. Hailey's mind is constantly on the go, making it very hard for her to concentrate or retain info. On top of it, her anxiety and obsessive thought patterns present another challenge in being able to focus. We came up with a care plan that involves teaching Hails relaxation techniques, attending cognitive behavioral therapy, a small does of anti-anxiety meds and putting together an accommodating plan with the school, to make it easier on her emotionally.
I left the appointment feeling so very proud of my girl. All this time, she's been battling these feelings and yet still maintains meaningful friendships, awesome grades and one of the bubbliest personalities of anyone I know. I have a new level of appreciation for her, and now that I understand what's going on in her big beautiful brain, I can help. I too was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder at her age. It was very confusing and scary for me, and I'm glad I will be able to relate to her. We'll do this together!
Zach survived his first solo slumber party with flying colors! (I snuggled his pillow pet and cried, but still!)
About the boys... So, we've been waiting all week to hear what the AG's office would recommend for the boys. Would they be coming to live with us one day this week? Would foster mom try and interfere again? We found out yesterday that foster mom was kind enough to file yet another motion on Monday, in an attempt to once again stall the adoption process. Today we learned that there will be a hearing next Friday, the 11th, to determine what will happen. It is likely the boys will be removed from her care and placed with us soon. While I do feel for her, my patience is running thin. It didn't have to be this way at all. I would have gladly shared our lives with her and welcomed her into our family. Who knows what will happen in the future though, God may move all of our hearts to that one day.
For now, I am ready. We are ready. Our home is clean, baby proofed, stocked up and ready to go. Build it and they will come, right? :)
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Change is on the Way...
So last I wrote, I decided to be positive and see if that made any difference... The next day I got an email from the boys' caseworker saying that there was no new info yet, but the AG's office thought we'd hear something this week. Thursday...no news. Friday morning, we got an email saying that the judge has denied foster mom's motion to intervene. We emailed back to confirm whether or not the boys are ours..and what will happen next. We are still waiting... Our fingers are crossed, our prayers are still on our lips, and our hopes are oh so high. We'll keep you posted. :)
In the midst of all of this.... tomorrow morning we are taking Hailey to the Melmed center in Phoenix to be evaluated. We believe that she has an anxiety disorder, and may possibly be on the autism spectrum. She was rashly diagnosed with ADD a few months ago after one visit and a one page evaluation. We were sent home with a prescription and a pat on the back. Tomorrow is our second opinion/more thorough evaluation visit. We want nothing more than to give her all the tools she needs to be happy, successful and living at her full potential. She is brilliant, compassionate, hilarious and oh so sweet. There is no one in the world like her. Tonight I am battling fears of what tomorrow will bring. Anything they tell us will just help us. My head knows that, my heart is trying to catch up.
On top of it all, my little man is sleeping over at a friend's house alone for the first time, my little sister moved away to California tonight and the weight of the world is sitting on my shoulders. At least the Sun's won :) Lol...
So the theme of the week is change. New beginnings. New information. If I am in the right frame of mind to take it all in, I think that whatever comes our way will be beneficial. So for now, I'm off to put on my rosy colored glasses, snuggle in for a good night's rest, and start this week off on the right foot.
In the midst of all of this.... tomorrow morning we are taking Hailey to the Melmed center in Phoenix to be evaluated. We believe that she has an anxiety disorder, and may possibly be on the autism spectrum. She was rashly diagnosed with ADD a few months ago after one visit and a one page evaluation. We were sent home with a prescription and a pat on the back. Tomorrow is our second opinion/more thorough evaluation visit. We want nothing more than to give her all the tools she needs to be happy, successful and living at her full potential. She is brilliant, compassionate, hilarious and oh so sweet. There is no one in the world like her. Tonight I am battling fears of what tomorrow will bring. Anything they tell us will just help us. My head knows that, my heart is trying to catch up.
On top of it all, my little man is sleeping over at a friend's house alone for the first time, my little sister moved away to California tonight and the weight of the world is sitting on my shoulders. At least the Sun's won :) Lol...
So the theme of the week is change. New beginnings. New information. If I am in the right frame of mind to take it all in, I think that whatever comes our way will be beneficial. So for now, I'm off to put on my rosy colored glasses, snuggle in for a good night's rest, and start this week off on the right foot.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Thoughts Become Things...
So tomorrow is Wednesday, which in my world has come to mean "the 1st possible day of each week to get any news at all," since we now know the boys' caseworker only works Wednesday through Friday.
I realized at some point this week, when someone asked about the twins, that I haven't been thinking about them or our situation nearly as much lately. I've been keeping myself occupied and more heavily involved with Hails and Zachy, and just haven't been in that same place of desperation that I was living in last month. While this is good for my daily contentment and peace of mind, I worry that I may have already given up in my mind. I don't think about what it will be like when they get here anymore, I don't picture tucking them in, I don't imagine them calling me Mama or the first time I hold them... It's as though I've already decided it's not going to happen, in an attempt to protect myself from getting my hopes us any further.
And then I remembered that a while back I saw a bumper sticker that simply said "thoughts become things." To me this is similar to what Gandhi was saying when he taught:
I realized at some point this week, when someone asked about the twins, that I haven't been thinking about them or our situation nearly as much lately. I've been keeping myself occupied and more heavily involved with Hails and Zachy, and just haven't been in that same place of desperation that I was living in last month. While this is good for my daily contentment and peace of mind, I worry that I may have already given up in my mind. I don't think about what it will be like when they get here anymore, I don't picture tucking them in, I don't imagine them calling me Mama or the first time I hold them... It's as though I've already decided it's not going to happen, in an attempt to protect myself from getting my hopes us any further.
And then I remembered that a while back I saw a bumper sticker that simply said "thoughts become things." To me this is similar to what Gandhi was saying when he taught:
Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.So for tonight, I will expect miracles. I will choose to believe that tomorrow has the potential to be the day that my boys, my Elijah and Isaiah, will be one day closer to coming home to me. I will envision the judge reviewing our case and deciding in our favor. I will imagine the phone call or email I will receive in the morning from their caseworker, with great news! I am going to test this theory and come at tomorrow from a place of expectation and joy, knowing that good things are on the way for us! After all, tomorrow will be just as wonderful as we expect it to be.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Waiting is the hardest part...
Ugh... Just got an email from the boys' caseworker, after more than a week of waiting for her to reply to our last email. Nothing new. No court date set yet, no news from the AG's office, no medical records still...I just don't understand. I really don't/ I want to believe that she is working as hard as she can for us, but it really doesn't feel like it. If this is a test of patience, I'm not sure that I'm passing at this point...
Sunday, January 16, 2011
When the Stars Align...
Today was a very good day. We met with a family that our caseworker introduced us to. They have a biological son, 12 years old, that has cerebral palsy, autism and is legally blind. They have also adopted a son, 4 years old, that has a G-tube as the result of intestinal problems.
We pulled up in front of their house, and nervously fixed ourselves as we waited for them to answer, not knowing what to expect. They opened the door to greet us, as did their three big dogs, and we were ushered in. Their home was lovely and well decorated. They were pleasant and friendly and extremely welcoming. We sat at their kitchen table and shared our adoption journey's with each other.
There oldest son was born at 24 weeks, which caused his disabilities. They beamed with pride as they told us about all that he has overcome, the wonderful and sweet boy that he is, and how blessed they feel to have him, just as he is, in their lives. They shared stories of how popular he is at school and how he loves swimming and roller coasters.
They decided to add another child to their family through adoption and waited a long time to find the right child. They decided not to go for a "normal, healthy" child, because there are so many kids in the foster system with medical issues who won't get adopted, because too many people are intimidated by the idea of it. They said they thought about how they would feel if it was their son on the site, and no one wanted to adopt him because of his disabilities, and how much of who he is people don't see, just by looking at him. It gave me goose bumps to hear them talk about it. I felt inspired.
Their 4 year old son proudly showed us his g-tube and told us all about it. He explained to us that it doesn't hurt at all and said that he uses it to eat. Hailey and Zach were cautiously fascinated by it all. Mom and Dad gave us a demonstration and showed us what his formula looks like, and how his night time set up works. It was really good for us to see and touch the equipment. It helped us to realize that G-tubes are really not as intimidating or scary as we thought they would be. Everything was very user friendly and self explanatory.
We joked and laughed for about an hour before we parted ways. We agreed to keep in touch and get together again soon. It feels good to know we will have them as a resource if we do get our boys.
Today was just what we needed. We needed to see that a family could have joy and stability in spite of disabilities and challenges. They were really no different than any other family I know. If anything, they were stronger, happier, more grateful and more a team, than anyone I've met. It was beautiful. Even if we don't get our boys, I am glad we met the Star family today.
We pulled up in front of their house, and nervously fixed ourselves as we waited for them to answer, not knowing what to expect. They opened the door to greet us, as did their three big dogs, and we were ushered in. Their home was lovely and well decorated. They were pleasant and friendly and extremely welcoming. We sat at their kitchen table and shared our adoption journey's with each other.
There oldest son was born at 24 weeks, which caused his disabilities. They beamed with pride as they told us about all that he has overcome, the wonderful and sweet boy that he is, and how blessed they feel to have him, just as he is, in their lives. They shared stories of how popular he is at school and how he loves swimming and roller coasters.
They decided to add another child to their family through adoption and waited a long time to find the right child. They decided not to go for a "normal, healthy" child, because there are so many kids in the foster system with medical issues who won't get adopted, because too many people are intimidated by the idea of it. They said they thought about how they would feel if it was their son on the site, and no one wanted to adopt him because of his disabilities, and how much of who he is people don't see, just by looking at him. It gave me goose bumps to hear them talk about it. I felt inspired.
Their 4 year old son proudly showed us his g-tube and told us all about it. He explained to us that it doesn't hurt at all and said that he uses it to eat. Hailey and Zach were cautiously fascinated by it all. Mom and Dad gave us a demonstration and showed us what his formula looks like, and how his night time set up works. It was really good for us to see and touch the equipment. It helped us to realize that G-tubes are really not as intimidating or scary as we thought they would be. Everything was very user friendly and self explanatory.
We joked and laughed for about an hour before we parted ways. We agreed to keep in touch and get together again soon. It feels good to know we will have them as a resource if we do get our boys.
Today was just what we needed. We needed to see that a family could have joy and stability in spite of disabilities and challenges. They were really no different than any other family I know. If anything, they were stronger, happier, more grateful and more a team, than anyone I've met. It was beautiful. Even if we don't get our boys, I am glad we met the Star family today.
Friday, January 14, 2011
My Flesh and Blood
I took some time today to watch a documentary called My Flesh and Blood. It was about a single woman from California, Susan Tom, and her journey adopting 11 children with special needs. I expected it to be touching, but I didn't expect to be so entirely moved by it. It was beautiful, and gut wrenching and inspring and amazing. If you are interested the movie is currently available through Netflix. It won many awards, including the Sundance Film Festival Audience Award for 2003.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0342804/
It left me wanting more...I spent the rest of the day researching the family online. As it turns out, Extreme Home Makeover did an episode on the family in 2005! I was really happy to see that. I love when good things happen to good people. :)
The weekend is here, and we still haven't heard anything from CPS on the boys. In some ways it's hard knowing we won't here anything for three days at least (MLK day on Monday) but it's also nice knowing I won't need to check my email every five minutes either. On a positive note, we have plans to meet another family who adopted a young boy with a G-tube and have a biological son with cerebral palsy. This should be very interesting and inspiring! They went through the same adoption agency we are going through, so I think it will be helpful to talk to someone who has come through on the other side. I'm hopeful it will give us perspective.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0342804/
It left me wanting more...I spent the rest of the day researching the family online. As it turns out, Extreme Home Makeover did an episode on the family in 2005! I was really happy to see that. I love when good things happen to good people. :)
The weekend is here, and we still haven't heard anything from CPS on the boys. In some ways it's hard knowing we won't here anything for three days at least (MLK day on Monday) but it's also nice knowing I won't need to check my email every five minutes either. On a positive note, we have plans to meet another family who adopted a young boy with a G-tube and have a biological son with cerebral palsy. This should be very interesting and inspiring! They went through the same adoption agency we are going through, so I think it will be helpful to talk to someone who has come through on the other side. I'm hopeful it will give us perspective.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Facing the right direction...
It's been a frustrating week so far...I'm trying very hard to be patient and positive. Every day that goes by without us learning something new or making progress towards our goal feels like a wasted day. So you can imagine my excitement when we finally heard back from the boys' caseworker today. But alas, no new information learned. She is working on getting thier medical records, but we won't even get to review them unless the judge decides things in our favor. She also said that the AG's office thinks the court will grant foster mom the ability to be a 3rd party to the hearing. (We're hoping that won't give her access to any of our personal information.) No one knows yet when the hearing will be either. Caseworker says she thinks it will probably go in our favor, but may take time. But time is such a relative term...does that mean days, weeks, months..a year. I emailed back requesting a less vague answer, but we'll see.... So for now, I continue to wait... I wish I could say today was a step in the right direction, but doesn't feel like we're moving at all. Maybe we're at least facing the right direction...
So for today, life goes on. Josh is back at work. Kids are having some quiet time before bed. I'm taking a moment for myself before I tuck them in. Then it's dishes, laundry, frontierville...anything to distract myself until we get to tomorrow, where maybe we'll learn something new.
So for today, life goes on. Josh is back at work. Kids are having some quiet time before bed. I'm taking a moment for myself before I tuck them in. Then it's dishes, laundry, frontierville...anything to distract myself until we get to tomorrow, where maybe we'll learn something new.
Monday, January 10, 2011
The Boys...
I’m going to refer to the boys as Elijah and Isaiah, because that is what we intend to name them when/if they become ours.
With all of Isaiah’s special needs, we felt sure we’d get mixed feelings from our friends and family about our decision to move forward with the adoption, and we did. While everyone seemed excited for our opportunity to grow our family, they were certainly concerned about how taking on a special needs child would affect our marriage, our finances and our current family dynamic. We too were scared. We talked a lot about worst case scenarios and what could go wrong and what we would need to sacrifice and how our friends and family would feel about our decision. At the core of it all though, we felt a peace about it all. Somehow, we felt ready to commit to these little boys, who we knew so little about, who we’d never met nor even seen a picture of. In that respect, it’s very much like being pregnant. We felt ready to defend them, advocate for them, protect them and love them unconditionally…if only the powers that be would choose us.
With all of Isaiah’s special needs, we felt sure we’d get mixed feelings from our friends and family about our decision to move forward with the adoption, and we did. While everyone seemed excited for our opportunity to grow our family, they were certainly concerned about how taking on a special needs child would affect our marriage, our finances and our current family dynamic. We too were scared. We talked a lot about worst case scenarios and what could go wrong and what we would need to sacrifice and how our friends and family would feel about our decision. At the core of it all though, we felt a peace about it all. Somehow, we felt ready to commit to these little boys, who we knew so little about, who we’d never met nor even seen a picture of. In that respect, it’s very much like being pregnant. We felt ready to defend them, advocate for them, protect them and love them unconditionally…if only the powers that be would choose us.
Within a few days, the committee meeting was scheduled. Our fate would be determined on December 17th. We patiently waited for the day to come. We tried hard not to get our hopes up, just in case it didn’t go in our favor. We were determined that if this was right, God would move the committee to choose us. I honestly just tried to busy myself with thinking of anything else.
The day came…it was the last day of school for Hailey and Zach before Christmas break. I volunteered to be in their classes that day so I’d have a distraction. While our caseworker represented us at a meeting downtown, I helped 2nd graders with a wrapping paper contest and ate reindeer cupcakes. Josh got off work that morning and waited at home by his phone. Just as the party died down, my phone rang. I stepped into the hallway and answered hopefully. Then I heard the words I’d longed to hear for almost a year… “We were matched!”
As a thousand questions ran through my mind, calmness filled my soul. This is real. They chose us. God chose us. I have four kids now. I’m a Mommy again. I got my boys… Within an hour we were sent pictures of them. Beautiful. Angelic. Precious. Amazing. My little Isaiah has the most amazing smile you’ve ever seen, with twinkly little eyes that smile too. And Elijah, what a heartbreaker, he has such handsome brown eyes. He will be a charmer, for sure.
The next step was to attend a full disclosure meeting. This would be a chance for us to meet the boys’ doctors, caseworker and foster mom. This would be our chance to receive all information on them since they entered care, learn more about Isaiah’s special needs, and ask any questions we might have and to set us a transition plan. Normally the meeting would have been within a few days, but because of the holidays, it was scheduled for December 29th.
We immediately began scouring yard sales and craigslist for baby items. We wanted to be as prepared as possible! At this point, it was like we had just found out we were in our last trimester of pregnancy…and with twins! It was a very exciting time. We lovingly chose their names. Elijah Matthew, because it means “Gift from God,” and Isaiah Andrew, because of the Bible verse Isaiah 40:31. We decided we’d give them a Toy Story themed room, and set out to find things to adorn it with. We filled the days with painting and building cribs and washing baby clothes and learning as much as CP as we could. It was now the night before the meeting, and we couldn’t sleep. I had just so many questions and scenarios swirling through my head. I didn’t know how to sleep, I was too anxious. I moved out to the couch in the wee hours of the morning, hoping a change of scenery would help. It didn’t, it only gave me a sore shoulder and an excuse to drink extra coffee. I had no idea what to wear. I wanted to make a really good impression in person. What does a “good mother” look like anyways?
It was a very unseasonably rainy day when we left the house. I love the rain, and took it as a good sign. We dropped the kids off with family and set off to find the address. We got there too early (over achievers) and waited in the car. I told Josh that I had a bad feeling, but it was probably just nerves. We found the suite and waited for our appointment. Soon after the boys’ caseworker greeted us and led us to a conference room. We waited there, alone, for what seemed like an eternity, but was probably only five minutes. Once our caseworker arrived, the meeting began. I was immediately very aware that it was just us and the caseworkers; no doctors, no therapists, no foster mom.
The boys’ caseworker explained that their foster mom would not be joining us, and that she was very upset about the boys being adopted. She wanted to adopt them herself, and was not approved (for personal reasons, not concerning the boys’ safety). We were told that she was not returning phone calls to CPS and that she had hired an attorney to fight the adoption. We were told that there was a chance the boys would not become a part of our family. I was shocked. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. We were told that with the holidays, it could be a few days before a judge reviewed the case and made a decision on how to proceed. If the judge decided to remove the boys from her care, we would have the option of them coming straight into our home or into a medically fragile foster home, from where we could transition them into our home. Our initial thought was that of course, we wanted them to just come straight to us, so they wouldn’t have the trauma of moving twice. However, since we do not have training on Isaiah’s special needs yet, nor have they even met us yet, we decided that it would be in everyone’s best interest if we transition from a foster home instead.
That was December 29th, and today is January 10th. We’re still waiting. We’ve called and emailed a few times, but not much progress has been made yet. No medical records yet. No word from a judge and no court date yet. All we can do is wait. It’s absolute torture. It’s frustrating as hell. But, what choice do we have? We can be angry or sad or bitter, but it won’t change the outcome or move things along any faster. So, for now…we will keep hope in our hearts, we’ll pray for what their foster mom is going through on her end, continue loving on the kiddos we have already been blessed with, keep our eyes out for good deals on baby stuff and try not to go crazy while we wait for the metaphorical ultrasound to come back with or without a heartbeat.
I can honestly say that if foster mom is able to care for them and love them and provide for their every need, they should stay with her. Of course I want them for myself, but more than that, I want what is best for them, and because they are already bonded to her and are doing well in her home, they should stay, if they can and I would gladly concede. If they cannot stay with her though, I will gladly give them every day I have left on this earth. I want to paint the canvas of their lives with laughter and love and hope and snuggles and birthday parties and tickle fights and ice cream and joy that overflows through their words and smiles and becomes a legacy of love that is passed down to the next generation. These boys are special. They will change this world. Even if I am not the one who gets the privilege of raising them, they have already changed mine.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Timeline
We had always talked about adoption as a future goal for us. On our second date we said we'd have two of our own and adopt two more someday. As the years passed, and we had our two children, we realized how expensive adoption was and put it to the back burner. It became more of a dream than a goal..."I'd like to win the lottery..." "I'd love to go to Spain..." "I'd love to adopt a child..."
January 2010 -
Our adoption journey began in January 2010, after the earthquake in Haiti. We were so moved by the reports of all the children who had lost their parents, their homes, their everything! We decided it was time to really look into adoption again and see what we could find. I remember we were driving in the car and I googled "adoption Arizona" on Josh's cell phone. The first thing that came up was a link to a local adoption agency, Building Arizona Families. The site described the different types of adoptions available, some of which we hadn't heard of. One type was Interstate Adoption; adopting children out of the foster system within the United States. This, being the most affordable type, was what we decided to explore first.
We called the agency the next day and asked everything we could think of. Turns out this type of adoption is very affordable and that there are LOTS of beautiful, amazing, loving children in foster homes all over the country, just waiting to find their forever families. We talked it out as a couple and as a family, and decided that we wanted to change someone's life, and in doing so, change our own.
We called the agency the next day and asked everything we could think of. Turns out this type of adoption is very affordable and that there are LOTS of beautiful, amazing, loving children in foster homes all over the country, just waiting to find their forever families. We talked it out as a couple and as a family, and decided that we wanted to change someone's life, and in doing so, change our own.
February 2010 -
In February, we had our first visit with our caseworker. She came to our home, went over the entire process with us, let us ask questions and inspected our home. She left us with a lot of paperwork to complete and a list of our next steps.
The next step in getting us matched with a child was to have a completed Home Study. We had to get our fingerprints taken, have background checks done, provide several personal references, and each write autobiographies. (That was quite a journey into self awareness!!) This took weeks to complete and then several more weeks to have the courts review. In that time we had another visit from our caseworker, to interview us and our children, and inspect our home again.
March 2010 –
Next step, classes!! Another part of our preparation was completing ten weeks of classroom training. We talked about some of the reasons kids come into care, what they may be feeling, how they may behave as a result and the best ways to cope. Some nights were easier than others. It was very emotional for me to hear about what some of them had been through. It sent me on a journey through my childhood and my sense of self. It made me question a lot of things and made me stronger as a woman and a mother. It made me even more certain that I wanted to adopt.
Next step, classes!! Another part of our preparation was completing ten weeks of classroom training. We talked about some of the reasons kids come into care, what they may be feeling, how they may behave as a result and the best ways to cope. Some nights were easier than others. It was very emotional for me to hear about what some of them had been through. It sent me on a journey through my childhood and my sense of self. It made me question a lot of things and made me stronger as a woman and a mother. It made me even more certain that I wanted to adopt.
June 2010 –
Our classes ended the first week of June. We felt like college graduates, ready to hit the road running! Our next step was the hardest…waiting. We had to wait for the court to grant us our Certification to Adopt before we could inquire on any children, but that didn’t stop us for from searching. We created a spreadsheet, and started spending an hour a day searching every photolisting we could find from every state. We were shocked by how many waiting children there were out there! Then on June 9th, we got the letter we’d been waiting for! We were so very excited, we inquired on half a dozen kids that day. We began inquiring on about 3-5 kids per week, every week, never hearing much of anything back from anyone. We got the occasional request for our homestudy, and our caseworker would send it out on our behalf. After about three months, we started to get discouraged. We knew it could take a while to get matched, but we were hoping we’d be the exception to the rule.
Our classes ended the first week of June. We felt like college graduates, ready to hit the road running! Our next step was the hardest…waiting. We had to wait for the court to grant us our Certification to Adopt before we could inquire on any children, but that didn’t stop us for from searching. We created a spreadsheet, and started spending an hour a day searching every photolisting we could find from every state. We were shocked by how many waiting children there were out there! Then on June 9th, we got the letter we’d been waiting for! We were so very excited, we inquired on half a dozen kids that day. We began inquiring on about 3-5 kids per week, every week, never hearing much of anything back from anyone. We got the occasional request for our homestudy, and our caseworker would send it out on our behalf. After about three months, we started to get discouraged. We knew it could take a while to get matched, but we were hoping we’d be the exception to the rule.
September 2010 –
Then in September, right after my 30th birthday, we got a call from our caseworker that there was a little boy, 8 months old, here in Arizona, and his caseworker was interested in us as a potential match. We were stunned! They came to us?! We didn’t think that ever happened! We felt like this must be "it: because this just doesn’t happen!! We read his profile and decided that we wanted to move forward. The staffing meeting to select his new family was set for the following week. It was between us and two other families. We were nervous, but also very sure of ourselves. We had faith that things would go in our favor. We didn’t tell very many people, because we were scared to jinx it, but the day of the meeting, we had our close friends and family standing by for the good news. The meeting was supposed to last about two hours, and then it would be another hour for the decision to be made. We waited..and waited and then our caseworker called and said the meeting went well. We definitely had a good shot of getting chosen!! Then we waited and waited…and waited. Hours passed. We called our caseworker, but she hadn’t heard anything yet. Later in the afternoon, we got a call from her, letting us know that the decision had been emailed to her and she was on the road and didn’t get it. The committee selected another family. We were heartbroken, to say the least. I felt like, this was our one shot. I was mad. I felt like God was teasing us. But, God doesn’t work that way. So I strengthened my resolve, kept searching the photo listing and got myself a puppy. <3
December 2010 – By December, we were distracted thinking about Christmas and adoption was on the back burner. We were driving around as a family, listening to Christmas music and looking at lights when Josh’s phone rang. It was our caseworker, and she had exciting news. Another caseworker read our homestudy and was interested in us…for twin baby boys! My heart raced with anticipation as she started describing the boys to me, and then I thought…Josh will never go for this, it’s too much for us. The boys were 16 months old, living here in an Arizona foster home. One was healthy, one was not so fortunate. As a result of extreme child abuse at 10 weeks old, he developed cerebral palsy. He has some paralysis on the left side of his body and is fed through a G-tube in his belly. I told her I needed to talk to Josh and we’d call her back. We took the weekend to think, pray, cry, research and talk about the boys. We really felt God telling us to take the next step, and at least throw our hats in the ring. And so we did…
Then in September, right after my 30th birthday, we got a call from our caseworker that there was a little boy, 8 months old, here in Arizona, and his caseworker was interested in us as a potential match. We were stunned! They came to us?! We didn’t think that ever happened! We felt like this must be "it: because this just doesn’t happen!! We read his profile and decided that we wanted to move forward. The staffing meeting to select his new family was set for the following week. It was between us and two other families. We were nervous, but also very sure of ourselves. We had faith that things would go in our favor. We didn’t tell very many people, because we were scared to jinx it, but the day of the meeting, we had our close friends and family standing by for the good news. The meeting was supposed to last about two hours, and then it would be another hour for the decision to be made. We waited..and waited and then our caseworker called and said the meeting went well. We definitely had a good shot of getting chosen!! Then we waited and waited…and waited. Hours passed. We called our caseworker, but she hadn’t heard anything yet. Later in the afternoon, we got a call from her, letting us know that the decision had been emailed to her and she was on the road and didn’t get it. The committee selected another family. We were heartbroken, to say the least. I felt like, this was our one shot. I was mad. I felt like God was teasing us. But, God doesn’t work that way. So I strengthened my resolve, kept searching the photo listing and got myself a puppy. <3
December 2010 – By December, we were distracted thinking about Christmas and adoption was on the back burner. We were driving around as a family, listening to Christmas music and looking at lights when Josh’s phone rang. It was our caseworker, and she had exciting news. Another caseworker read our homestudy and was interested in us…for twin baby boys! My heart raced with anticipation as she started describing the boys to me, and then I thought…Josh will never go for this, it’s too much for us. The boys were 16 months old, living here in an Arizona foster home. One was healthy, one was not so fortunate. As a result of extreme child abuse at 10 weeks old, he developed cerebral palsy. He has some paralysis on the left side of his body and is fed through a G-tube in his belly. I told her I needed to talk to Josh and we’d call her back. We took the weekend to think, pray, cry, research and talk about the boys. We really felt God telling us to take the next step, and at least throw our hats in the ring. And so we did…
Welcome!
Hi Friends and Family!
This has truly been a pregnancy of the heart...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)